The Art Of Saying NO

ART OF SAYING ‘NO’

“A child who is never told ‘no’ is a neglected child”
– Magda Gerber

Each child is unique and so is the parent. Parenting is not an easy task but imperative. The generation gap as well as the variations in life style has brought considerable changes in the methods of parenting. Saying a NO was not a big deal for the parents of 90’s and before while the busy schedules of parents of this generation often makes them reluctant to say NO at many times when it’s a lot essential just to avoid ruining the mood of the very less time they get to spend with the kids. But this is not the right gesture to follow and this practice will have serious repercussions in the later phases of the life of the kids. Parents should never feel guilty about saying NO to kids if it were for a serious cause. But to make the kids accept NO lightly with their full heart, some measures are required and let’s learn about it.

MAKE KIDS EMOTIONALLY RESILIENT AND PROTECT THEM FROM TROUBLES:

Saying NO at the right time and right place is imperative and indispensable. This will strengthen the kid to be emotionally resilient and helps them to face NO’s in their future. Moreover to lead a healthy life, to stay away from trouble and not to commit mistakes, parents must ensure an upbringing with the proper use of YES and NO at the right circumstances.

EXPLAIN YOUR NO’S:

Explaining or giving the reason for your NO to something they demanded or sought permission for is as important as the said NO. Kids are also individuals and your denial for their need or your restriction upon something they were about to venture upon necessitates you to also give due reason for that. They expect it and parents must not dismay them. A valid reason will makes them convinced why they were given a NO and with their whole heart they will try to abide by your instruction.

USE NO’S WISELY:

Saying NO to things that’s bad for your kids is totally fine. But use this word wisely and at appropriate places only. If parents say NO every now and then without giving enough thought, eventually kids will reach a point from wherein they won’t value your NO’S anymore. Gradually NO’s lose consideration by kids. Also kids make ways to outplay the NO’s of parents and do their job either by hiding from parents or without their knowledge. This is more harmful and unsafe for kids.

ONCE COMMITTED TO SOMETHING, STICK TO IT:

Make sure that your NO should not be a NO that changes to a YES after sometime. The child might whimper and whine; your partner might request you to change your decision and let child do as he/she like. Be adamant in your decisions.

TREAT THE CHILD AS AN INDIVIDUAL:

Kids more often disturb parents while they are engaged in some work to grab their attention. Kids though young and small are no less of humans. They are individuals and as adults they seek recognition and expect their parents to talk to them and share things with them just as they share every tiny detail with the parents. Considering the individuality of kids and communicating with them even about your work and deals will make them happier and you can observe that a lot of usual NO’s that parents had to use will come down. Understand that kids are younger in age and smaller in size but they are far brilliant and assimilate facts and ideas.

ANALYSE THE SITUATION WHERE YOU SAY NO:

Pause and reflect for a while before saying a NO or YES to the child. Analyse the scenario and see if there’s any alternative that works for the kid and ensure whether a NO is necessary in that situation. If any alternative available in that case, try to deviate the kid’s focus in to that option instead of saying a stern NO plainly.

DON’T BRIBE YOUR KIDS TO ABIDE BY YOUR NO’S :

Never follow a practice of bribing the kids by offering them something they like for obeying you and abiding by your NO’s. Gradually the child will always demand something in return for following the instructions of parents which itself is given for their own good.

LET YOUR CHILD EXPLORE AND EXPERIENCE:

Certain scenarios has the capacity to throw light in to your child by initiating with little pain or disappointment. Yes! Some, mistakes give pain. But that makes your child experienced. Experience is the best teacher. For less harmful things they whine for, let them go ahead and realise themselves why they shouldn’t have done it at the first place. Parents can be of sure that they won’t at least repeat it.

BOTH PARENTS SHOULD BE IN SAME PACE:

Don’t confuse kids with differing opinions by father and mother. Be it a YES or NO; ensure that both parents stick on to one. This might dissuade kids from approaching either of the parents considering one to be light hearted and avoiding the other regarding him/her as strict.

NEVER FALL FOR KIDS’ MANIPULATION:

Kids are very clever and they know when to approach parents for things that they usually say NO to. Mostly parents might be helpless amidst their conference or meetings and might say YES for those things they would otherwise say a NO. Kids make use of that and parents must try not to fall prey for that.

SAY NO INDIRECTLY:

Instead of saying a plain NO on the face to the child’s dismay, parents can try other methods so that there’s no room for disheartening on either side. Parents can make the conversations tricky by pleasing language and deviating their interest or focus in to something else. Moreover kids always look up to their elders at home; especially parents. Asking questions like “Do you think your father would behave like this?”, “Will your mom hit someone?” etc might imprint on the kids’ mind that parents won’t do it because it’s wrong and hence inspire the kid to don’t venture on that.

CHANGE PATTERN OF CORRECTING-ORDERING-CORRECTING:

Parents must try not to restrict the conversations with your child to be a correcting- ordering- correcting pattern and try to guide the kids in right track by talking with them in the manner or style they can comprehend and discuss with them. Parents must share your thoughts, day, schedules, worries and new things in life to kids. Because kids are curious to listen to you and know new things. They absorb ideas, assimilate the facts fast and actually seek your attention and recognition for their individuality.

SAFETY- INDEPENDENCE-RESPONSIBILITIES:

This is a key that parents can keep in mind as the cases where it’s imperative to say a NO. If the thing is something that puts the child in danger or is harmful, a NO is indispensable irrespective of whether it hurts the child or not. In cases where it’s regarding making your child independent or more responsible, parents need not hesitate to say NO.

NO is a simple small word of just two letters that can avoid a lot of serious negative repercussions in a child’s life if used wisely by parents, teachers and elders. Principle of compensation doesn’t work in parenting and hence a NO can’t be compensated for the momentary emotions of a child or parent. Making the child emotionally resilient and away from troubles is far more important than saving his/her smile for a few minutes by swallowing the NO. Saying a NO with proper explanation is necessary. Spending time with kids, treating them as individuals and communicating with them as they do back can help bring down the number of situations that pose the necessity of saying back a NO. Saying NO to kids seems to be simple but it is not if it needs to be done wisely. Saying NO is an art and parents must try to excel in this art.

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